It's so nice when a happy place involves just stepping outside. Simply breathing in the air with the hint of autumn singing softly in the gentle breeze reminds me of Halloween costumes, pumpkin hunting, and crunchy leaves. Never mind the upcoming papers and projects whose due dates are haunting the spaces on the calendar of weeks to come. Instead, laying in the grass beneath a giant tree on campus allows for easily achieved mindfulness and calming meditation, and nothing can bring me down.
In the past couple of weeks, I have begun seeing my very first clients. I did my very first therapy session, where someone came into my office and trusted me with her problems. A couple of clients trusted me enough to tell me they had thoughts of suicide or hurting others, which was a terrifying responsibility (in case you're wondering, these clients never present the way they do in the training videos). I have an amazing supervisor, and fantastic clinicians nearby to help me through these scary times. It was an accident (or so I thought) that I ended up at Valeo, but it's exactly where I need to be to learn everything I can in my internship.
Inside my desk is a post-it I made after I saw my first client. I'd said a prayer prior to the session, and my nerves were so rattled after doing the risk assessment that it was all I could do to not crawl under my desk and cry. I took out the post it, and a felt tip marker, and I wrote
I deserve to be loved.
I deserve to be happy.
He died for all of my pain.
He died for all of my insecurities.
He can replace all of my doubts with faith.
Through Him, I can and will do this.
In a week of seeing clients, I've had two risk assessments. The other interns have had zero. I consider myself lucky-- what an advantage to have that out of the way. I also have a relationship with Christ. What an advantage in everything I do. What a blessing it is to be doing what I'm doing, and to have His help when I do it.
And the crisp autumn air on top of it all. I am blessed.
